Dear flip phone,
You have been my friend for many years; about 10 to be exact. Lots of people don’t understand why we have been friends for so long. I know, newer and better friend versions have come along, but I’ve never been one to give up on friends easily. You are no exception despite the fact that I have been bullied because of you a time or two; even by my own family members. I’m okay with that because you have been worth it.
I want to thank you for all of the good friend qualities you have brought to the table:
-you are low maintenance
-you are a cheap yet loyal date
-you are inconspicuous
-you help me mind my manners by not interrupting me constantly
-you are not jealous; expecting me to give all of my time to you alone
-you mostly allow me to be present in the moments of my life
-you don’t expect me to sleep with you
-you have not required constant upgrades
-you make it possible for me to keep in contact with people I love
-you are okay with being left behind when something more important than you is taking place
-you always pick up right where we left off
-you don’t tell anyone where I am or what I’m doing
I have always believed that honesty is the best policy so I need to tell you that I am considering breaking ties with you. I hate it because you have done nothing wrong. It’s just that I got a job and several times already I have needed help from a more educated friend.
Please know that, if I follow through with this, it is nothing personal. It’s business. (I know… I’ve heard that one before too!)
I will never forget you and the place you have held in my heart and life. You helped me raise my daughter and I’d be remiss if I didn’t thank you for that.