• Home
  • About me
  • Ministry Musings
  • Series
  • We Are Our Stories
  • Uncategorized

My Life in Ink – JoAnne Hancock

My Life in Ink – JoAnne Hancock

Tag Archives: Shepherd

Dear Layman…

18 Saturday Oct 2014

Posted by JoAnne Hancock in Ministry Musings

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

laymen, pastor, pastor appreciation, PK's, prayer, Shepherd, tithe

Dear Layman,

Last week I wrote a letter to your shepherd leader.  This week it’s your turn.  I’ve never been a pastor so my letter to your leader was also a letter to my own leader.

I have, however, been a layman.  When you are a pastor’s wife (which I am) you are sort of stuck in between but, because my husband traveled as an evangelist for twenty years and I mostly stayed home, I got to be a real, live layman and I liked it.  There are freedoms afforded laymen that pastors never have.  I even spent several years serving on a church board.  If nothing else confirms me a layman, that certainly does.

And so I have a few things on my heart to say to you…and to myself.  Some of them will morph between my lay eyes and my parsonage eyes.  All of them are said from a heart of love.

We all have reasons for choosing the church we attend.  Sometimes it’s simply where our family has always attended.  Sometimes it’s the only church of our chosen denomination in the town in which we live.  Sometimes it’s for good preaching or preferred music or friends or children’s ministries or youth groups.

None of those are bad reasons.  But in every church we attend, there is a pastor hoping and praying for laymen who support him.

So how can we support our pastor?

1)  Pray for him.  Every day.  Whether we like his preaching or not.  Whether we agree with his leadership style or not.  Whether we liked what he wore last Sunday or not.  Whether we think he’s paid too much or not.  Whether his kids behave or not.  And especially if his kids don’t behave.  Pray for him.  It’s our chosen church.  He’s our pastor.  Pray.for.him.
Pray for your pastor2)  You and I can either be his cheerleader or we can be a huge discouragement to him.  It’s our choice.  Choose the high road.  Choose to treat him the way you want your own family members to be treated.  My first pastor’s wife (aside from my own mom) was an elementary teacher.  She had a wall plaque that said, “My teacher thought I was smarter than I was, so I was.”  I loved the sentiment when it hung in her home and I love it now.  Over the years I have allowed it to morph into any area where someone holds leadership over me.  For example:  “I think my pastor is better than he is, so he is.”  You and I really can make that much difference.  Will you choose to?
cheerleading3)  Stay mindful that the pastor is called to shepherd.  You aren’t.  I’m not.  We should be very slow in telling him how to do his job.  I am amazed when laymen who have never felt a call to vocational ministry tell their pastor how to pastor.  I don’t think I’ve ever heard a pastor tell a layman how to run a classroom or how to manage their business.  So why do we tell our pastor how to pastor?  Do I believe there is a place for a review?  Yes I do.  But even there I think we need to be very prayerful and careful.  An effective review can and should benefit everyone; pastor and people.  Do I believe there is a place for disrespect?  No I don’t…ever.

4)  Let’s agree to stop saying, “I’ll be here long after he’s gone.”  I have heard these words in every church I’ve ever attended.  I’ve heard them in churches where I’ve visited.  I’ve heard them at camp meetings.  I have heard them on a boat.  I have read them in a note.
brainsWithout exception those seven words are spoken when a) we don’t like our pastor and we’re going to let everyone know, or b) our pastor has hurt us.  Those are two very different scenarios.  One makes me want to say “Grow up.”  The other makes me want to say “I’m sorry.”  Yet, in either case, the person hurt the most is the person proclaiming the words.  Those words keep us from getting involved.

They hurt the very church we love more than they ever hurt the pastor they are spoken against. 

Why?  Because we likely WILL be here long after he’s gone. 

And he’ll likely go someplace better.

But us?  We’ll be left in a church that has missed out on years of our good, positive contributions.

5)  Let’s stop expecting our pastors to be counselors.  Most aren’t trained to be and simply get into trouble when they play them on TV…or in their offices.   Instead, let’s protect our pastors by providing them with a list of counselors they can recommend when the need arises.  Part of the problem here is that counseling is expensive and our pastors are free.  Remember: we get what we pay for.
lucy-psychiatrist6)  Applaud his time away.  Whether we see it or not (and we don’t), his job is 24/7.  Bless his vacation.  Hold him accountable to a Sabbath every week.

7)  Allow the pastor to dream.  His dreams are for us.  Support his vision.  Build up.  Don’t tear down.

Be responsive to your pastoral leaders.  Listen to their counsel.  They are alert to the condition of your lives and work under the strict supervision of God.  Contribute to the joy of their leadership, not its drudgery.  Why would you want to make things harder for them?  -Hebrews 13:17 (Msg)

8)  Pay your tithe.  Paying tithe is second nature in our home.  My husband and I were both raised to give God His portion first.  When you start that as a kid, it’s pretty easy to continue it in adulthood.  That said, I realize many, many of you were not raised that way or you came to faith later.  So paying tithe is a difficult concept for you.  Maybe you are so over extended that you really can’t give 10%.  I understand that.  Just start somewhere.  Give something.
tithing-giving-offeringsIt’s not about your pastor.  It’s not even about your church.  It’s about you and God.

It’s a subject for a dedicated blog, but I am amazed at how our money stretches when we honor God with it.

9)  Be generous.  My experience has been that when a church is generous with their pastor, they are a generous church in every area.  Keep in mind that there is a huge difference between generosity and control.  One is a blessing; the other is anything but a blessing.  Be generous.

10)  Love the pastor’s children.  As laymen we really do have the power to either help parsonage children come to a place of faith or land in a place of bitterness.  With all my heart I believe we will be held accountable for how we treat our pastor and the effect that has on his children.  We should never kid ourselves.  It does affect them.  No matter how old they are…
PKSo there you have it from one layman to another.  It’s pastor appreciation month.  Let’s honor him this month but, better yet, let’s honor him all year.  And let’s include his family.

I’d love to have you join me.

JoAnne Hancock

Pass it on:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)

Like this:

Like Loading...

Dear Pastor…

11 Saturday Oct 2014

Posted by JoAnne Hancock in Series

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

calling, credentials, infidelity, marriage, ordination, parsonage, pastor, pastor appreciation, preach, Shepherd

Dear Pastor

Dear Pastor,

It’s October, a month set aside to honor sweet hearts and pastors.  Recently, my thoughts have been turned toward how the two can and should go together.  Here is my heart shared with you.

My dad and my father-in-law were pastors.  My husband is a pastor.  I have four brothers who are pastors.  Add to that the long list of other family members and friends who are pastors and you can see that I have some understanding of you and your call.

I value you.  I respect the role you have played in my spiritual development.  I am grateful for how you cared for my family when sickness, surgery and death visited us. I’m thankful you know how to laugh with us.

I have spent my life in the parsonage witnessing the following:

1)  Yours is a demanding and difficult calling.  When I was a kid, being the pastor meant you were highly regarded simply because you were the pastor.  Those days of respecting you just because you are God’s called are gone.  Our Catholic brothers and sisters seem to still have a handle on this, but I don’t see it in many other places.  I don’t know when it happened.  I don’t know why it happened.  I’m just sorry it happened and that you are simply seen as “one of the gang” as you proclaim God’s word on any given Sunday.  Because we see you as “one of the gang,” the word that God has given you often means no more than the words spoken by the person sitting next to us.  Maybe it’s partly your fault.  Even so, we have gotten very lazy in our treatment of you.  We need to be reminded that you are our Shepherd and, as such, you are anointed and we are called to do you no harm.  (Psalm 105:15)

We also need to be reminded that what you say will not always be popular and it’s then that you most need our support.   “I solemnly charge you…preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction.  For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires; and will turn away their ears from the truth, and will turn aside to myths.  But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.”  II Timothy 4:1-5  (NAS)  It’s official, rightly dividing the word is not for sissies.
Preach the WordSide note to the layman reading this letter:  Yes I know we have some clergy standing in pulpits who need to be confronted.  I’m sorry about that too but point #1 is not intended for them.

2)  Yours can often be a delightful calling.  I have loved most of the days in the parsonages I have lived in and visited.  On percentages, our experiences are above average.  Yes, I’ve seen and experienced the ugly – the hurt people who have a need to hurt others, but they are the minority.  Unfortunately, they are also the loudest.  That truth aside, loving people and getting into the trenches of life with them is very rewarding.  They love you for being present in their difficulty.  I know that because you were there for me.  You become family to so many.

3)  Yours seems to be an increasingly dangerous calling.  And here is where my heart breaks open…

I am sitting in a lanai looking at the Gulf of Mexico as I write this.  I lost both of my in-laws in the last year.  They had been married 67 years before mom passed away.  And what a story of love they lived!  (My parents left me an identical legacy over 59 years.)

About thirty years ago mom bought a week at a time share on Sanibel Island.  Her reasons were two-fold: 1) She wanted a place to get away with her husband…a place that helped eliminate the “where shall we go this year?” decision.  2) She wanted a place where she could invite one of her children along with their spouse every year because she knew first-hand the need for pastors to get away with their spouse.  She recognized the danger zones if time away together was not experienced.  She was a woman who mostly minded her own business when it came to her children but, when it came to honoring our marriages and our spouses, she was quick to speak and always spoke with great, gentle wisdom.

So, here I sit.  It’s the first year they are both gone and it is our turn.
IMG_1769The beach is about 50 yards away and from here I can see the palm canopy that was erected this afternoon.  In about fifteen minutes a young couple is going to stand in front of the great expanse called The Gulf of Mexico and pledge their lives and love to each other.  I’m guessing they will mean it.  I have never seen a more beautiful sanctuary.
IMG_1773About six weeks ago I answered the phone at home to find an unexpected job offer.  I really wasn’t ready to start working although it was on my “to do” list for the first of the year.  After being out of the formal work place for twenty years, I recognized it as the gift from God’s hand that it is.  The following day, I reported for duty.

I’m working in an office that oversees about 135 churches.  Outside of my very rusty technological skills, the job is right up my alley.  I love pastors.  They matter to me.  I have an unavoidable soft spot for them in my heart.

The crazy preparation for our annual meeting has not yet begun so we are currently working on back burner jobs.  One of my assignments is to begin digitizing the room filled with files.  My instructions were to begin with the judicial files.  And so I have.

Judicial files are those which often include a copy of someone’s credentials; sacred credentials that have been surrendered out of necessity.  Not always, but most often, these are stories of marital unfaithfulness and brokenness…with you, the pastor.  I know you are human but it still breaks my heart to look at the very long lateral drawer that is stuffed full of names like yours.

And I wonder where it went wrong…where you went from this sweet couple exchanging vows on the beach to a file of brokenness housed in a drawer.

Went from receiving a marriage certificate to losing an ordination certificate.

I know enough to know that was never your intention.
ordinationMaybe it started when you bought into the philosophy that you are “one of the gang.”  You aren’t you know.  Stop trying to be.

Several years ago a friend of mine lamented that pastors really don’t have a higher calling than anyone else.  Her belief is that we are all called equally.  And she’s partly right.  She used Ephesians 4:11-12 as her point of argument.  “It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up…”  Her reasoning was that since all are mentioned on equal ground, all must be equal.

As you know, she was also largely wrong and this is where you can never decide that you are just “part of the gang.”  Like it or not, you are held to a higher standard.  There is scriptural backing for this all throughout The Story.  There is also common sense backing.  If my dentist chooses (and that’s exactly what it is) to be unfaithful to his wife, guess what?   Tomorrow he will still be my dentist.  I may not want him drilling my teeth tomorrow but, if he’s the best dentist, I’ll go back.  If you make the same choice?  Tomorrow you are no longer my pastor.  Not only that, you will have left a path of destruction behind.
no-higher-calling-1-638So pastor, how are you handling your sacred certificate?  You really do have to accept that your calling is demanding and difficult.  You get to rejoice over the fact that your calling is delightful.  But dangerous?  It’s your choice.  As I say often to my daughter, MAKE GOOD CHOICES!

In case you didn’t know, one of the greatest gifts you can give your congregation is for them to witness that you are crazy about your wife.  Love her.  Don’t belittle her ever and especially in public.  Make time for her even if it means disappointing someone at church.
IMG_1771“Enjoy the wife you married as a young man!  Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose – don’t ever quit taking delight in her body.  Never take her love for granted!  Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills…?”  Proverbs 5:18-20 (MSG)

GREAT QUESTION – Why would you?  Please don’t.

Respectfully and prayerfully yours,

JoAnne

Pass it on:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)

Like this:

Like Loading...

Yesterdays news…

But wait, there’s more…

But wait, there’s more…

Join 447 other subscribers
Follow My Life in Ink – JoAnne Hancock on WordPress.com

Blog Stats

  • 15,499 hits

Blog Stats

  • 15,499 hits

Blog at WordPress.com.

  • Follow Following
    • My Life in Ink - JoAnne Hancock
    • Join 80 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • My Life in Ink - JoAnne Hancock
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...
 

    %d bloggers like this: